If fear has held you captive, please read this post.

Or you can go and watch the video on Instagram, because I'll share it there too. This is incredible what God has done. 

For years now, I've lived in fear. 

For the last five years (and honestly, probably longer) I've lived with obsessive compulsive disorder that manifested itself in ways that made me horrified that I'd committed a mortal sin, afraid to love because it could mean hurting someone else, and the most debilitating of all has been the fear of getting sick- specifically a GI bug or food poisoning of some sort. 

And for so long now, that fear has had ahold of my life. 

For nearly a year now, because of that fear, and the fear of further pain from the chronic illnesses I struggle with, I pretty much haven't eaten food that other people have prepared. Friends, family, restaurants- nothing., and nothing even my mom has cooked in months. Therapy is great in other ways, but hasn't really helped with this. 

Last week, I went to a healing prayer service that Father David Dodd, one of my priests at Saint Francis who is a true friend and mentor and spiritual Father to me, had invited me to and was leading. 

One of my friends and her daughters were praying over me, and I completely broke down. I was sobbing- could barely stand on my own- and they said that heat was radiating from my body. 

The only way I can describe it is that Jesus broke me down. All the fear that the pain had caused- and vice versa- He took it from me. 

I had peace that night making the drive home. For the first time in literally years, my mind was quiet. I wasn't anxious. I wasn't spiraling. I wasn't afraid. 

I didn't really see an immediate change apart from that- but last night my family went to a friend's house for a birthday party and she had made dinner, and I ate the food that she made! Even chicken, which I'm usually literally terrified of! And I ate cake! Which normally I wouldn't touch! 

And I literally would not have done that even last week, but last night I felt absolutely no fear. It was crazy. 

Jesus is so good. I'm absolutely shocked and amazed that He gave me the grace to do that without even being afraid and having to "push through it" or "go out of my comfort zone"!! I thought healing from OCD would mean pushing through exposure therapy and doing scary, hard things. But Jesus said "no". He already won. I can fight this for my whole life or He can take away fear in an instant.

I couldn't wrap my brain around the fact that God CAN and WANTS to heal me from OCD- because I couldn't imagine life without it. But now I've had a taste of that freedom, and, even if I still might be scared sometimes, I want to keep choosing it. Keep choosing Him. Perfect Love casts out fear, and I am in Love with Perfect Love!

If your pain and suffering comes from your mind- please know that Jesus wants to heal you. Truly. He does. God's glory and power are greater than we can ever imagine. And Church, we need to pray for eachother and build eachother up! we can't be afraid to pray for the impossible- because it's possible. We were not created for this pain. We were not created for fear. We were created for life. We were created for His Glory!