Yesterday, I posted an Instagram reel that was a fun take on a popular trend but essentially had the message, "Instead of telling women that abortion is their only logica option, we should get them the resources, support, and love that they need." Seems simple enough, right?
The people in the comments didn't think so. I woke up this morning to comments telling me to "shut up" and that I've been brainwashed, don't care about women, etc. All of which, of course, are not true.
That being said, I thought it might be helpful to talk about some of the practical steps we can take when helping women facing an unplanned pregnancy or difficult situation. As much as we love to have conversations and logically convince people to see that abortion is morally incorrect and a grave evil, often it's the practical support that changes hearts and minds and enables a woman to choose life for her baby.
Be Positive
In most situations, when someone tells you she is pregnant, the proper response is always, "Congratulations! " No matter how a child has come into the world, he or she is still a child and a blessing. Every life is a miracle- no matter what.
In cases of rape or incest, "congratulations" may not be the most tactful reaction, even though the child is still a gift. In that case, you could say something like, "I don't know exactly what to say that will help right now. I'm sure this is so overwhelming. I'm here for you and here to help with whatever you need." then, LISTEN! See what she truly needs and how she's doing, and connect her with professional help.
Even if you can't be upbeat in every situation, at least be sympathetic. Empower her and let her know that you genuinely believe that she can do this. She can have her baby. And whether she chooses adoption or to raise her child, make sure that she knows you will be with her through it all.
Be Available
Like anyone in crisis, one moment to the next can be more difficult than another. While you certainly still need to live your own life and take care of your current responsibilities, it's important to let this new mom know that you're there for her- to talk, listen, or be with her. Quality time with supportive friends can do a world of good.
Online Resources
These are quick articles, helplines, and other resources you can send to any mamma facing an unexpected pregnancy. They provide financial assistance, help with any questions she might have, and so much more. This is an easy way to support someone even when you can't physically be present with her. These links are not categorized or ordered in any particular way.
Human Defense Initiative
... and Standing With You has so many more!
Accompany Her to Appointments and Classes
Medical appointments can be intimidating as is, even without the stress of being a mom without a sound support system. You can help by recommending her a good pro-life ob-gyn, finding parenting classes, offering to accompany her or give her a ride, driving her to appointments, etc. Even if she already has reliable transportation, having someone along to talk to after an appointment can be helpful.
Purchase Supplies and Giftcards
Purchasing pregnancy or baby supplies, grocery cards, gas cards, or even just providing a meal can mean so much. Financial struggles are one of the biggest reasons for women to feel like abortion is their only option. A few dollars toward groceries or a box or two of diapers can help to relieve that burden. In the past, I've done gift card drives for a mother in need. Things like that that involve numerous people rallying around one mother (even if she chooses to remain anonymous to everyone but you) can be so effective.
A meal dropped at her front door, an offer to help set up the baby's crib, or even just a care package full of her favorite treats can mean the world on a difficult day.
Provide Financial Assistance
This goes along with the gift cards! You can connect women with resources at your parish (ie: Saint Vincent de Paul Society), or other community resources that provide grants to those in need. Some of the online resources listed above also have financial assistance programs.
Provide Shelter
Not everyone has the space or capacity to safely bring another person into their home. But when a pregnant woman needs a place to stay to escape an abusive situation or unsupportive home, there are options. If she is facing homelessness, many communities have programs where churches take turns hosting people while they get back on their feet and find a new place to stay. Some places (though more urban areas than rural ones) have maternity homes where women can have a safe place to stay for the duration of their pregnancy and a few months after birth.
Connect Her with Local Resources
Think food pantries, pregnancy care centers, reliable doctors, affordable clothing options for maternity and baby clothes, etc.
Pregnancy Care Centers are also a fantastic option. Many have programs that allow women to attend parenting classes in exchange for free clothing, supplies, and other resources. They're a great place to turn if you don't know how to help a woman in a particular situation or don't feel equipped to help meet her specific needs.
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